A Hick Too Far
by Anteyra
Summary: Teal'c is roaming around the base trying to find a cure for his singultus. NOW REVISED... NEW CONTENT


Jack was happily walking along a corridor when suddenly…

**HICCUP!**

He cautiously continued along the corridor and came to Teal'c's room.

**HICCUP!**

Jack was very surprised. The hiccuping was coming from inside Teal'c's room.

"Teal'c? Are you all right?"

**HICCUP!**

"No Colonel O'Neill. I am not." Teal'c replied. Jack popped his head round the door of the room and looked at Teal'c. He was sitting on the floor with his legs crossed.

"Ah. You're suffering from Hiccups, my good man."

"I do not like them."

"No on does."

"How do I stop them?"

**HICCUP!**

"Ok. I have a cure that never fails. Hold your breath for as long as you can."

Teal'c raised one eyebrow.

"Go on do it!" Jack urged.

Teal'c did as he was told and drew in a deep breath and held it, after about 15 seconds Teal'c let the air out. They both paused for a minute.

"There what did I tell you? Never fails." Jack said with a wide smile.

**HICCUP!**

"Well, almost never fails." The smile faded.

"Do you have any other suggestions?"

"How long have you been suffering from the hiccups?"

"Approximately 20 minutes."

"Ooh. That's bad." And Jack silently left the room.

A few minutes later and Teal'c entered the canteen.

**HICCUP!**

Sam looked up from her coffee and saw Teal'c where she thought the hiccups came from.

"Hiya Teal'c. How are you?"

Teal'c sat down at the table. His face looked grimmer than it had ever been before. "I am not well. Colonel O'Neill says I am suffering from Hiccups."

"Oh dear. What have you tried to stop them?"

"Holding my breath."

"Ok. I have another idea." She got up and grabbed a glass of water from the counter and moved back over to her table. "Right the trick with this is to drink this from the opposite side of the glass, and hold your nose to stop the water going into it."

**HICCUP!**

Teal'c looked at her in disbelief, raising one eyebrow. "Are sure this will work?"

"Yeah. It always works for me." She passed the glass to Teal'c and he took it from her. Sam crosses her arms and waited.

"That is what Colonel O'Neill said." But Teal'c went ahead and did what Sam had told him to do. They both paused for a second.

**HICCUP!**

Both of them were disappointed.

"Sorry Teal'c."

"Thank you for your assistance Major Carter." And with that Teal'c was gone.

**HICCUP!**

Behind Teal'c, General Hammond was creeping up on the unsuspecting Jaffa.

"Good morning General Hammond." The Jaffa said as he continued walking along pass a couple of airmen.

"How did you know I was there?"

"I could hear your footsteps and breathing."

"Ah."

"Why were you trying to creep up on me?" Teal'c turned his head to look at the Texan.

"I heard that you had the hiccups. Making someone jump is usually the best way to get rid of them."

"I had sensed your approach. You were unsuccessful." Teal'c returned his gaze to where he was going so he wouldn't bump into anyone.

"So I see. Well. I'll se you later." Teal'c bowed his head and Hammond began to walk away. Teal'c hadn't hiccuped for a few minutes. Maybe it had worked! Maybe Hammond had managed to get rid of them for Teal'c!

**HICCUP!**

Or maybe not. Hammond continued on his way back to his office and Teal'c made his way to the infirmary.

"Hello Doctor Fraiser." Teal'c greeted and he walked through the room.

"Hi Teal'c. What can I do for you?"

"I was wondering if any of your medicinal items are used for curing…"

**HICCUP!**

"…Hiccups." Teal'c finished his sentence.

"I'm afraid hiccups aren't cured by medicine. But I do have a theory that might be able to get rid of them. Would you like to hear it?"

"Yes please."

"All right. It's very simple and all you've got to do is blow on your thumb, like this." She put her thumb in her mouth and blew on it as if she were blowing up a balloon. "Now you try."

Teal'c did. He began to blow on his thumb.

**HICCUP!**

He continued to blow on his thumb.

**HICCUP!**

He still blew on it.

**HICCUP!**

"I do believe that your method is not working Doctor Fraiser."

Janet folded her arms and paused for a second, inspecting her difficult patient. "I'll try and think of some more ways to help you get rid of them."

"Thank you." And he left the infirmary.

On his travels round the base trying to find ways of getting rid of his hiccups he came across…

Lieutenant Siler. He told Teal'c to plug his ears and swallow 3-6 times without breathing. That didn't work.

The idea to meditate, or Kel'no'reem, came from Captain Connor. Teal'c tried that but he kept on hiccuping.

Next Lieutenant Davis told him to scream for as long as possible, but Teal'c didn't like that idea and just walked away from him, still hiccuping.

Jack soon came up with another idea… to drink a shot of lime juice with Tabasco sauce. As soon as he tasted it Teal'c spat it out, but it didn't stop the hiccups.

**HICCUP!**

Teal'c was walking along a corridor when Sam came up to him. "Teal'c! What colour is a white horse?" Teal'c looked at her and raised an eyebrow.

"White." Teal'c replied soon followed by…

**HICCUP!**

Teal'c walked off leaving a baffled Sam behind. He soon came across Lieutenant Siler again.

**HICCUP!**

"Hi Teal'c. Hey, listen to this. I'll give you $5 right here right now if you hiccup again."

**HICCUP!**

"I believe you owe me $5."

"That has never happened before. When ever I say that the person always stops hiccuping. You are one tough customer!" He said as he passed the $5 bill to Teal'c. Siler walked off grumbling and Teal'c watched him.

**HICCUP!**

Connor was next to try again. His idea for the person to say "Pineapple" wasn't much of a success.

Teal'c felt rather silly when Davis told him to stoke his ear lobes, but he was very surprised when Janet suddenly gave him a kiss! But still the hiccups would not go away and by now Teal'c had been suffering for an hour and a half!

Teal'c was getting so fed up with the hiccups. He was soon passing Daniel's office on the way to the gym.

**HICCUP!**

Daniel looked up from his paperwork to see Teal'c there. "Hi Teal'c. Still haven't got rid of those hiccups?" Teal'c looked at him. "Jack told me you had them."

"I have been unsuccessful in ridding myself of the hiccups." The Jaffa moved into the room and stood a couple of feet away from Daniel.

"Mind if I make a suggestion then?"

"Please."

"All right. Sit down on the floor." Teal'c followed the instructions.

**HICCUP!**

"Close your eyes."

"I have already tried to Kel'no'reem."

"This isn't Kel'no'reem. Close your eyes." Teal'c closed his eyes. So did Daniel. As Daniel spoke, he spoke clearly, slowly and calmly.

"Now I just want you to picture a blue neon light. It's right in the middle of your forehead right between your eyes. Now make that light move slowly down your body through the chest and down to the diaphragm. Once it's there let it slowly and calmly wash over the diaphragm back and forth like the waves on a beach. Back and forth. Back and forth. Back and forth. Now just let that light, as it moves back and forth, let it slowly fade."

Daniel opened his eyes and looked at Teal'c. "Has the light gone?"

"It has indeed." Teal'c replied.

"How do you feel?"

"I no longer feel the urge to hiccup."

"That's great!" Daniel jumped up. "Ok you can open your eyes." Teal'c complied. "Well?"

"Yes thank you."

"That's good to hear."

"Thank you Daniel Jackson."

"Anytime Teal'c. Anytime." And with that Teal'c was gone. Daniel listened for a while but didn't hear anything… the base was silent.

The next day Jack was happily walking along a corridor. As he passed Teal'c's room he thought he heard a noise so he stopped to listen. He stood next to the door and listened intently.

**HICCUP!**

"Here we go again." Jack said to himself. "Hey, Teal'c! You'd better go and see Daniel again!"

"I will Colonel O'Neill thank you." Jack smiled and walked off.

**HICCUP!**


End file.
